


i forget you’re not here (when I close my eyes)

by sweetlouist91



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Alternatively titled -, Angst, Cliff angst, Drabble, John Silver is in pain, Post-Canon, and so am i, i just finished rewatching black sails and now im emo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-03-06 06:54:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13405809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetlouist91/pseuds/sweetlouist91
Summary: Inspired by season 4 pain and the wonderfully talented Niall Horan’s album Flicker. If you haven’t heard it yet you most definitely should. Specially inspired by Too Much To Ask from whence this fic gets its name.





	i forget you’re not here (when I close my eyes)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by season 4 pain and the wonderfully talented Niall Horan’s album Flicker. If you haven’t heard it yet you most definitely should. Specially inspired by Too Much To Ask from whence this fic gets its name.

It was one of those nights. Long drawn out nights where the mind would not rest, laying awake while the darkness surrounds you like a blanket. Silent. Alone. 

It was one of those nights for John, although those nights were far more frequent than they had ever been before. He would lay alone in the dark as the cavern in his chest grew ever deeper, the ache, the emptiness would grow and when it threatened to consume him he would arise, and make his journey alone to the one place that gave him peace. 

The swell of the sea could be heard from far below, breaking against the rocks again and again. John lay down his crutch beside him, sitting on a rock and staring out to sea. Moonlight glinted off the waves, reflecting off the water, making it glow. The stars glittered far above, constellations, patterns, lines. 

How strange it seemed, the way that memories can change something forever. It seemed like only yesterday that Captain Flint was teaching him how to fight on these very cliffs. Teaching him how to defeat him. 

John closed his eyes against the memory, too raw, too painful to think of now. If he tried hard enough he could still hear it, the clash of their swords an echo long forgotten. 

He felt the wind rush around him, pulling at him, whispering to him as it was prone to now. It whispered to him of things he should have left behind on that island. At the time he thought he had, so blinded by his love for Madi, his rage towards Flint. 

He knew now though. He could not deny it now. Could not bury it in the ground and leave it on an island, forgotten. 

Mind set adrift, pulled as if by the currents, perhaps the tide itself, John lay against the rocks. For how long he was there he could not tell. But when he next drifted to consciousness he felt him there. A ghost perhaps. Nothing more now than a mere memory. 

“You are a figment of my imagination.” He whispered aloud. “A phantom set to haunt me for the rest of my days. It is you I see when I close my eyes. I love her. I love you. I saw a future with her. I will always love you.” A single tear burned it’s way out the corner of his eye, dripping into his hair. “I am closer to you here in these moments than I ever was. Yet I have never been further from you.” 

“John” Flint’s voice sounded in the wind, carried by some invisible force. 

“Lay with me,” he whispered voice echoing in the silence that surrounded them. 

“Open your eyes,” Flint’s voice murmured, far away, yet closer still, whispered, loud. Silent. 

“I can’t.” John whispered, tremor in his voice. “For when I do you will be gone. And I cannot imagine which is worse. You here with me. Or you gone. Like you had never been there at all.”

Eyes stinging behind his closed lids, he bowed his head. “Lay with me,” he whispered once more. Broken. Lost. 

Warm arms wrapped around his body, pulling him close. He let his head come and rest against Flint’s chest, let himself be carried by the feeling of warmth. Of safety. When he awoke in the morning Flint would be gone. But this would be enough. It had to be enough. For now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this. If you wish to come scream over these idiots with me come find me on tumbl at johnsilverismyking. Kudos and Comments are much appreciated xx


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